梦想照进现实_-点评康奈尔本科全奖录取文书

2013年9月17日

责任编辑:刘晶晶

摘要:特别的经历成就了特别的本科申请Essay。以情感人算是本科申请Essay的最高境界。而这篇文章就是走的这样的路线,并达到了非凡的效果。咨询热线:010-67080808

 

  Dreams May Come

  The door closed.

  Sitting on the long beach, lonely, I saw Mum bursting into passionate wailing and friends of my father were signing and weeping. Like we were worlds apart, I, sit there quietly, no tears and no expressions. My hands were sweating and holding the tiny wood-keypad, made by my father, tightly.

  “Hold the keypad and make your wish devoutly then your dream will come true when the sun rises next morning” this was what my father told me when he gave me the tiny gift. He never lied to me. I told myself this was just a joke that God played with us and I would still get the kiss from my father when I woke up the next morning. However, my wish was broken by seeing the empty bed of my father when the sun rose the next morning. I never believed the wood-keypad, and also my father. Several days later, my mother brought me back to China after five years’ living in Japan, a place where my memorable childhood ended.

  “Yu, your call!” Mom interrupted my recalling. “Oh, I am sorting through the old things. I am coming”。 I put the dusty wood-keypad in the box again and laughed at my childish belief that it could make the wish come true. I never believed in it after it did not bring Dad to me that morning.

  “I am sorry. But our department manager is so~ busy and he can not see you next month. Maybe I could try again for the next three months and I will call you again.” I am disappointed by the call because it is the tenth time that she tells me her manager is busy and would not see me. “Lenovo is very proud. You will be shut out before seeing the manager” one of my friends warned me when I told him I wanted to sell my invention, the special keyboard for Chinese people, to Lenovo, not for money, but hoped one day all Chinese people could use it to speed up their typing. However, now I have to think like this “Maybe it was really unpractical”。

  “Yu, you lose heart, right?” mum asks me. “No. Your super son will never be defeated.” I respond her with a big smile, although I am very sad deep in heart. “Take this to have a look and you will find something”。 She gives me an old big thick notebook.

  “December 8, 1993: this is the first day I worked in the Japanese restaurant. I have to work for 12 hours a day, washing the dishes, sweeping the floor…although I am very tired I feel happy because I am striving for my little son and virtuous wife. I believe I could bring them to Japan in the near future…I studied computer I will put my learnt into practice…”

  “February 6, 1995: I am very proud of my son because he makes astounding advances in Japanese and he got the first in writing today. Oh, my study is full of his awards, several golden awards for brush calligraphy and hard-tipped calligraphy, first prize in the final exam, etc. His teacher told me his Japanese is even better than the native students and his ability to adapt is very strong…Although I am now in NEC I am studying Smalltalk and hope one day I could set up my own company…”

  “January 5, 1996: my own company CNB (China-Nippon Bridge) set up. No pains no gains. I believe one day it will become a big giant if we try our best…”

  I finish reading my father’s dairy with tears. Touching the strange but familiar words with figures, I know what a great father, husband and engineer he is. He never gave up his dreams although he once was shut outside doors, being discriminated and oppressed. People say like father like son. My body shares the same blood with my father. How could I give up? I want all Chinese people to use my invented keyboard because it could speed up 80% than the old; I want to become a great engineer, inventing more useful things for the world; I want to become the next Bill Gates and repay the society, making all children have air-conditioners in the hot summer…

  Take out the dusty tiny wood-keypad from the box, cleaned it and kissed it, I knew my father did not lie to me. The little keypad really has the magic and could make my dreams come true because it is the key to success: be brave, hold your dreams and do it devoutly.

  点评:

  特别的经历成就了特别的本科申请Essay。以情感人算是本科申请Essay的最高境界。而这篇文章就是走的这样的路线,并达到了非凡的效果。

  首先,时空的穿梭和父亲日记的穿插让整篇文章看起来手法很新颖。而“多年日本生活”,“丧父”,“发明键盘” 这些关键经历已经足够吸引人和赚足读者的泪水。但是文章作者高明的地方就是并没有一味的博同情或者炫耀发明,而是把主人公塑造成了一个内心强大的有故事的孩子。虽然文章大半部分都是在回忆中展开的,调子有些低沉,但是这些黑白画面感极强的文字在读者读到的一瞬间就已经开始悄悄的感动他们的心灵了。而结尾处主人公的释怀与坚强好像一只明亮的蜡烛驱赶了之前所有的忧伤。温暖的感觉留在了读者的心里而故事主人公的真诚也赢得了所有读者的祝福。

  所以,当主人公拿到了康奈尔全奖录取时,办公室里每个人都为他和他的家人感到欣慰和骄傲。

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